“I’m going to start with this: I’m on my journey. I’ve not landed. I’m still moving forward. It’s okay if you disagree with me (if you leave comments, please disagree civilly).”
That’s how I began a blog post back in 2017 — and honestly, those words still ring true.
What I was beginning to wrestle with at the time wasn’t just about music, faith, or culture. It was about truth, and how my understanding of it was more fragile — and more sacred — than I realized.
This might sound strange on a site about music and creativity, but if you’ve followed my work for any length of time, you already know I write and compose from a deeply personal place. And if creativity is about honesty, then this is part of the process too.
I grew up fully immersed in the Christian faith. Sunday school. Youth group. Bible camp. I was “religious” by every definition you could imagine. Baptized as a baby, confirmed at thirteen, and surrounded by the culture of church for my entire upbringing.
But it wasn’t until I was seventeen that I had a moment that broke something open in me:
“I don’t act like Jesus.”
That thought hit like a gong in a silent room. Not because I was an especially bad kid — but because I realized that despite all the knowing, I wasn’t becoming. I had all the stories, all the memory verses, all the right vocabulary… but nothing in my daily life reflected the One I claimed to follow.
That’s when my real journey began.
I don’t bring this up to preach — I’m not here to hand out bumper-sticker theology or argue doctrine in the comments section. I bring it up because it relates to every kind of creative and spiritual work I do.
You’ve heard me say this before, especially if you’ve been in a lesson or studio session with me: “Process over performance.”
Faith is no different. And when I started treating my faith like a process instead of a performance, everything changed.
So this series — The Cost of Certainty — is a reflection on that change, the turbulence that followed, and the peace I’ve found on the other side of deconstruction.
This isn’t a roadmap.
It’s a journal entry written in real time from someone still learning, still making music, still praying… and still questioning.
Let’s walk together for a bit.
✦
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Part 2 drops next Friday.