Anxiety is a friend of mine.
We know each other quite well.
I know many artists who struggle with anxiety as well.
So... I figured this would be an appropriate stage for me to share my thoughts on my relationship with anxiety.
I remember reading the book So, You're a Creative Genius, Now What? by Carl King, and he explained his experience with anxiety as "feeling like my brain has to pee".
That hit a vibe with me!
Trying to express thoughts, feelings, and emotions, but I just can't find the words or medium to do it... What a brilliant way to explain the concept of anxiety!
Like I said, anxiety is a friend of mine. We've known each other for MANY years -and many of those years I didn't have a name for it -I just assumed that overthinking situations and pursuing multiple levels and layers of subtext in every interaction I had was something everybody was doing. Well, turns out it's not as typical as I'd assumed!
Here's a little bagatelle about how I used to experience anxiety:
||: overthinking it all was causing me more stress -which then made me feel sad. My sadness made me feel tired, but I was busy overthinking -so I couldn't go to sleep, and then :||
So then what?
My wife and I started visiting with a counselor for a little while -which I highly recommend to EVERYBODY if you find yourself in a rut. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with asking for help if you get stuck -EVER!
Our counselor helped me find "off ramps" when my overthinking would start to cycle (remember that little bagatelle?). For me, it helps me to name that "anxiety is happening right now". Often, that'll stop the spin-out, but if I'm tired it often takes a little more doing. I ask myself a LOT of followup questions when I start noticing cyclical thinking.
Am I creating artificial conversations with people?
Is my anger in this situation justified?
Am I looking for validation from a person or outcome of a situation?
AM I AFRAID OF SOMETHING? (This one comes up a LOT).
If so, what am I afraid of?
Do you get the idea?
Usually the one that gets me, though, is:
***If I'm fixating on a situation that involves another person*** Are they thinking about it as hard, in this very moment, as I am?
The answer has always been "no".
If I'm able to answer the other questions, my followup is always:
1. "Are you and Amy safe?" (Usually the answer is YES -we've had completely insane neighbors at one point which had us SERIOUSLY questioning the safety factor at times... If your answer here is no... call the police!)
2. "so what are you going to do to fix it?" (Creating a quick action plan will typically snap me right out of the cyclical thinking)
The bad news with the action plan is that it means I need to have a face-to-face conversation with somebody to clear the air. It's not usually easy, but me enduring something mildly uncomfortable trumps the fact that it's not fair for other people if I'm harboring unmerited resentment towards them -and it's not fair for me to let other people live in my head rent-free.
The good news: SWEET FREEDOM!!!
I've found that after a few difficult conversations, my brain has slowly trained itself to stop assuming the worst in scenarios. I still experience anxiety to a degree, but it's not near as bad as it used to be.
Here's where I'm going to leave this post... If you're experiencing anxiety -you should schedule a meeting with a counselor. However, while you're scheduling your appointment with the counselor, you should also schedule a physical with your doctor.
Here's why:
I was suffering from heavy anxiety for several years, and it seemed to get WAY worse in my late twenties. It was a slow-moving turn that ended up with me feeling like I was in a pit of despair. After a few separate seasons of counseling, we both went and got physicals at the doctor -and I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. Guess what some of the awful side effects of hypothyroidism are? You guessed it! Increased anxiety, depression, and sleeping problems. They hooked me up w/ a thyroid stabilizer (not anti-depressants), and my overall experience of life seemed to stabilize -and what once felt like extreme waves, returned to a steady lull.
Don't get me wrong, I still experience anxiety, stress, and depression from time to time. The thyroid stabilizer helped get my chemical levels back to normal -but remember that even before that, I had anxiety. Every now and then I still get so overwhelmed that I'll ask my wife to help me find "off-ramps" -and the conversations usually help me find one. As a result of counseling, I'm able to socially manage them better with finding "off-ramps". I'm certain that I use the "off-ramps" concept multiple times a week. It helps me navigate constructive feedback, meeting new people, and dealing with situations that I'm unhappy about. Plus, going to counseling with my wife has helped her trek along with me in navigating through my anxiety.
Again,
If you're experiencing anxiety -you should schedule a meeting with a counselor. However, while you're scheduling your appointment with the counselor, you should also schedule a physical with your doctor.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help!
Until next time,
-T.