I've been thinking a lot about what I call "The Creator's Burden".
Here's how it works:
I spent 20+ years learning how to "master" a concept.
Therefore, I have an obligation to use that concept in a way that somehow "gives back".
DISCLAIMER:
For a long time, I thought that every musician and every artist carried around this burden -but it's not true... Part of my time away was coming to realize that not every excellent musician is necessarily a songwriter -and not every songwriter is necessarily an excellent musician. This post is for the people that feel anxious when they haven't written something in ages and/or feel an urgency to create when there are no deadlines in sight.
If you are a musician that is trekking with what I've written up until this point, I'm stoked that I'm not alone! I'll also be interested in your thoughts about it all (assuming that you continue reading)!
"not every excellent musician is necessarily a songwriter -and not every songwriter is necessarily an excellent musician"... I feel like I fall somewhere in the middle. I'm a solid player on multiple instruments, but I'm not "legendary" on any of them, and I'm good at coming up with interesting chord structures and musical ideas -but lyrics are dreadfully frustrating for me (I consider them to be the necessary obligatory filler-stuff that happens in between cool instrumental and song-structure ideas).
My Creator's Burden is fueled greatly by fear. Fear of not being productive. Fear of becoming complacent. Fear of being driven by cynicism. Fear that I would forget my ideas. Fear that I'll die and that my idea will never be expressed. Fear of justifying walking away from creating music.
My Creator's Burden is deeply rooted inside of me. Obligation is usually a word that has extreme connotations attached to it, however, I consider this obligation a blessing. It's a challenge -and it's exhilarating. I have spent 20+ years playing music, but once I started writing my own music, I slowly became less and less interested in covering other peoples' songs. It slowly started to become boring for me.
I consider my experience in music to be a crucial tool that I keep in my proverbial tool belt. I use that tool to craft chord structures and instrumental lines. Instrumental parts that the world hasn't heard in the exact order, timbre, or velocity that I'm presenting them. The melody or the progression might sound hauntingly familiar, but that's because I'm using the same 12 notes that people have been writing music with for centuries... BUT... when a I write a brand new song -the excitement of sharing it with people comes as no surprise.
However, The Creator's Burden is often a double-edged sword. Feeling a heavy obligation to keep creating is met with reward when a song comes finally comes to an end. The excitement of sharing new music with friends, family, and fans is always very real -but the lack of excitement from others that always seems to be present is a constant part of the burden. I hope that doesn't sound whiny or like I'm complaining... It's an honest (and natural) desire to want other people to experience the satisfaction and endorphin trip that I'm experiencing after finishing a project. Vulnerability is hard, and sharing a finished project with the world is one of the most vulnerable things an artist can do.
The scary part about this side of the Burden lies in skewed perspective. If an artist releases an album and has zero following -and four people buy it... The skewed perspective is fixating on the fact that 40 people didn't buy it. If an artist releases an album and sells 4,000 copies of the album, the The skewed perspective is fixating on the fact that 8,000 people didn't buy the album. I think you get the gist... just keep adding zeroes.
So what's the point? My Creator's Burden is a obligatory challenge that is often blurred by skewed perspective. I need to remind myself that the pursuit and journey of creating art is part of what makes the trip so beautiful. After all, I'm the only person that can/will write songs that sound EXACTLY like something that I could/would write. It's not the Burden that is the problem, it's fixating on a desire to be validated by others that results in skewed perspective.
I'm an artist with a Creator's Burden -and I'm honored to carry it. If you're an artist that can relate to this "Creator's Burden" concept, I would LOVE to hear from you!
Until next time,
-T.