Charles Horton Cooley was an American sociologist that coined the concept of "The Looking Glass Self".
In a nutshell, it goes like this:
"I am not what I think I am and I am not what you think I am; I am what I think you think I am."
-Charles Horton Cooley
I learned about the Looking Glass Self when I was in eleventh grade -and it's helped me think through many struggles I've encountered as an artist.
A. I am not what I think I am.
Usually, people believe they are exponentially more animated than they actually appear. Emojis are a great portrayal of this. When was the last time you sent somebody a smiley face in a text when you weren't actually smiling? Have you ever claimed to be laughing in text form (LOL ROFL ROTFL ROFLMA) where you didn't even utter a guffaw?
NOTE: This is CRUCIAL for performers to understand.
I am aware of what I think I am.
B. I am not what you think I am.
Example:
I have long hair.
Therefore, he must be a drug user. Therefore, he might be a guy that can replenish your "stash". Therefore, he might be able to light a cigarette for me. Therefore, he must be living with his parents. Therefore, he must not have a steady job. Therefore, he must love norse folklore. Therefore, he must enjoy superhero movies. Therefore, he must be interested in comic books...
Spoiler alert: None of these statements are true -but I've encountered every single one of those situations more than once -often multiple times during a single week.
The concept of "what you think I am" is often rooted in profiles and stereotypes.
I am aware of who you might think I am.
C. I am what I think you think I am.
Here's where it gets weird... Perhaps I encountered enough long haired people who use drugs, watch superhero movies, and don't have jobs. Perhaps I start partaking and joining in on those activities -not because I'm legitimately interested, but because I've been conditioned by what others assume about people who look like me. Perhaps I've been fooled into becoming part of a community because my subconscious decided to give up from all of the stereotypes and profiles that people have thrown me into for years. How did long-hairs get a bad reputation?
They heard what you thought of them... and they created their default interpretation of what you thought of them.
I am what I think you think I am.
Unfortunately, it's profiles and stereotypes from strangers that set people up for failure early in life. It's a fine blend of needing community, wanting to be an individual, and feeling burnt out. It took me years of practice, but being able to identify when I'm being profiled and stereotyped gives me an amazing opportunity to turn the tables and overcome.
This turns into a conversation and reflection on the concept of "identity"... which is also connected to concepts of "worldview".
Fortunately, I'm able to tie both of those concepts into my ultimate vision in my onstage and offstage personas. We'll dive into those at a later time.
This turns into a double-edged sword. What can I do with this?
1. I try to assume the very best about people when I meet them for the first time.
2. Avoid profiles and stereotypes like the plague -EVEN IF YOU SEE THEM BEING LIVED OUT- Be part of the solution and not the problem!
3. Understand that if this sociological observation is true, then you are being profiled and stereotyped by every new person you meet. If you have a quirky persona or an "out-of-the-ordinary" look, this is an opportunity to overcome and transcend the given profile/stereotype.
4. If you are a male with long hair, a person with non-traditionally dyed hair, a person with tattoos, a person with piercings, etc... Unfortunately, you don't get to be upset when you are profiled or stereotyped. Yes, it can hurt. Yes, it gets old. Yes, it's frustrating. Embracing a countercultural look, style, or point of view is meant to be the epitome of self-expression and liberation from other people validating who you are. When self awareness meets self-expression (whether it be look, style, music, performance, etc.), the possibilities are endless.
Often, though, countercultural self-expression is met without self-awareness and it spirals into a pit of self-loathing, bitterness, and a perpetual wonder of why people don't "get" you. Many times these people all get together into a bitter countercultural community and hate themselves together. Ironically, this fulfills a stereotype and profile.
Hopefully, this is all making sense...
All of these things being said, here's the world that I try to live in:
I am aware of what I think I am.
I am aware of who you might think I am.
I am focusing on who I want to become, because your opinion of me doesn't offer me validation.
The Looking Glass Self is an interesting concept and I'd love to hear what you have to say about it or your experiences with it in the comments.
Until next time,
-T.